I will unfollow you on Twitter without hesitation if you…:

1. Send me an automated DM after I follow you.

Seriously, cut it out.

2. Tweet a series of +K announcements.

If you care about your Klout score enough to tweet about it and what you’re doing with your +K’s, you’re not the type of person whose insights I value.

3. Use a URL shortener that hijacks the page with a piece of shit toolbar at the top.

Avoid craptastic URL shorteners with this lame ‘feature’. There’s plenty of shorteners that don’t do this, and you can always create your own.

4. Call yourself a ‘expert’, ‘guru’, or any of the other hypewords that indicate you’re just another lame-ass bandwagon jumper.

The latest buzz in SEO land is ‘inbound marketer’. Don’t use it – unless you’re OK with looking like a douche. If you’re so intent on expanding your SEO job title to be more inclusive there’s a perfectly good one already available: digital/internet/online marketer. By inventing new job titles you’re just showing yourself to be all about vacuous crap instead of actual substance.

5. Take yourself too fucking seriously.

You should never forget that your entire existence, in the grand scheme of things, is as close to meaningless as makes no difference.